Morning News

Good morning...

Well, not such a great day for the ratings yesterday but...

That happens from time to time.

In the long run the ratings are blindly profitable so any bad days should put into perspective.

I have been working on some strategies to best profit from the Hong Kong ratings and should be able to update you on my findings over the weekend.

I have also been looking at draw bias at Happy Valley...

That has given me some interesting things to think about.

Once again, once I have my data in some sort of presentable order, I'll publish it for you to see.

Something to make you smile...

The School Report...

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua.

P.S . Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home!

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Three Men on an Island

Three men are stranded on an desert island.

They are close to starvation, when a Native Tribe finds them and takes them back to their camp.

The leader says:" Go in a jungle and bring back a fruit, then we will let you live".

They go out looking for fruits, the first guy comes back with a peach.

The leader says:"

Now take the peach and shove it up your ass, if you laugh, we will kill you."

He attempts it but has to laugh so they cut his head off.

The second man appears back from his trip with a grape.

The leader gives him the same instructions, but the second guy doesn't seem to have any problems, but bursts out laughing mid way through his test.

He too is beheaded.

In heaven the two guys meet, the first guy says:" I laughed because the peaches fuzz was tickling my bum, why did you laugh?"

The second man responded:" I was doing fine, until I saw the third guy come back with a Pineapple."

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Today

I hope that you're staying safe and healthy in these difficult times.

As always...

My kindest regards