Jokes | Focus Ratings
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You have to laugh….

Little Johnny Little Johnny likes to gamble. One day his dad gets a new job so his family has to move to a new city. Johnny's daddy thinks, "I'll get a head start on Johnny's gambling." So he calls the teacher and says, "My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow but he likes to gamble so you'll have to keep an eye on him." The teacher says OK, she can handle it. The next...

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The Vicar The vicar wanted to raise money for his church and, being told there were fortunes in race horses, he decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so steep he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races, and to his surprise the donkey...

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Too Late... 1). I bought a horse. In its first race it went out 25 to 1. The only problem is that all the other horses left at 12:30. 2). It would have been a photo finish but.... By the time my horse finished... It was too dark to take a picture! 3). My horse came in so late... The jockey was wearing pyjamas! 4). The horse I bet on was so slow... The jockey kept a diary of the...

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Tramp... A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking tramp who asked him for a couple of pounds for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted two quid and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whisky?" "No, I stopped drinking years ago," the tramp said. "Will you use it to gamble?" "I don't gamble. I need...

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David Beckham David Beckham decides to go horse riding. Although he has had no previous experience he skilfully mounts the horse and appears in complete command of the situation as the horse gallops along at a steady pace. Victoria admiringly watching her husband. After a short time David becomes a little casual and he begins to lose his grip in the saddle, he panics and grabs the...

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Chop those goolies off... The young male race horse came from a long line of winners, and did wonderfully in bumpers. However, in actual races he proved a little too romantic, and could never quite bring himself to pass a mare. So one day the trainer went to him and told him he'd have to be castrated. The young horse, knowing that it was either this or the glue factory, took it...

You have to laugh…

Psychiatrist... A woman went to a psychiatrist and said she was in great distress over her husband. "He thinks he's a horse. He sleeps standing up and he neighs instead of speaking. He even insists on being fed oats in a bag."... Said the woman. "It's terrible!" "How long has then be going on?" as the doctor. "Six, maybe eight months." she replied. "You have let things go too...

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Lester... Lester Piggot is in the parade ring discussing race tactics with the horses trainer. The trainer tells Lester that this is the worst horse he has in training, it has had 23 races and finished last in all of them, if it doesn't win today the milkman will be using it for deliveries in the morning. Lester mounts up and takes the horse down to the start. The race begins and...

You have to laugh….

Hampered... Riding the favourite at Cheltenham, the jockey is well ahead of the field. Suddenly he’s hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages. He manages to keep control of his mount and pulls back into the lead.... Only to be struck by a box of Christmas crackers and a dozen mince pies as he goes over the last fence. With great skill he manages to steer the horse to the...

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Champion... A wealthy racehorse owner gets very attached to his champion horse. It has a very successful racing career and is then retired to stud duties... Where it is again very successful. Earning a fortune in stud duties. Sadly one daythe champion dies and the owner decides to give it a proper burial. He approaches the local Anglican minister who tells him that he is only...

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