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1). Just before the Grand National begins....
I'm going to pull my wife's knickers down.
So I can amuse myself when I hear...
"And they're off!"
Mind you, I probably shouldn't be wearing her knickers in the first place.
2). I've an ambition to buy three race horses and call them "First" "Second" and "Third" and then enter them all in the same race.
They may not win but the commentary would be brilliant.
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